Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
