She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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