Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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