Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
