I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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