So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
