I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You ate ashes out of my bong
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
