i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
