her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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