those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
