I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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