Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
