i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Mom said you looked used
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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