Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
