i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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