evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
