I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
