I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
are you so shy because you have an std?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
