thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize
