Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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