don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
