Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
