This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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