Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
