Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
