Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
