Just cropdusted the office
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
