i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
