There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
