So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
this will be a night to untag.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
