Only a mothe r could love this liver
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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