You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
