If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
