so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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