im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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