Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
