I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
