I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
