i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
