I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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