You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
we're making bets on your personal life
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
