After last night, I could never be a politician.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
