If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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