I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I am one with the molecules
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
