..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
