i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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