I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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