His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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