My underwear smells like fireworks.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
