I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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