remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
