i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
