yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
