I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
