i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
