I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
