you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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