summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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