We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
