So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
NoShamevember. You game?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
