im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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