I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
