I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
