The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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