dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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