no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
