I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize