whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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