I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
FUCK WHALES
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