Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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