I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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