That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
