Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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