Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
