dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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