I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
