My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
