I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
