Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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