Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
