it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
