The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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