everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
