and my herpes radar will keep us safe
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
