i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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