like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
