Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
