I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
