Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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