The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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