He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
