the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize