Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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